Om-norm-norm

Hey everyone! Let’s pretend that we want to open up a shop in a mall, shall we? The most important question is what do we want to sell? The simplest and most logical answer would be something that people haven’t sell it yet. I mean, of course we don’t want to open up another McDonald’s in the same mall, no? Not unless it’s in America. Haha Sorry for that. I was trying to make a joke, in case you didn’t notice. It’s not funny, I know. To put simply, unique means less competition means more potential customers which leads to more profit. A successful business. In a business world, unique usually means good. Duh… Blue Ocean Strategy. (Tbh, I’m not sure if I named the right strategy. xD)

So, here’s the thing. Why there are norms in societies? Why is it important for us to behave and think like most of the people in a specific society? I get it if it’s out of the norm to bring harm to others. It’s out of the norm to put your elbows on the dining table in some societies. It’s out of the norm to eat with your hand in some others. Those minor things, I don’t mind. But there are some norms that I’ve heard or read that are a bit ridiculous. Things such as it’s out of the norm for women to drive. It’s out of the norm to voice out an opposing set of perspectives especially in religious matters. And some things like why it is OK for a person to bash the people that you hate but it is NOT OK when it comes to knock some senses into your head?

The truth is, I don’t really want to talk about the different type of norms and such. It’s just that I like to ask questions and discuss. I like to keep an open mind. I like to explore and try to look at things from different perspectives. Some of my friends too. But why is it wrong to do so? Why it is wrong to ask questions and try to discuss some things that are different or opposing to one’s perspective? The society expects you to act and think in the realm of their understanding. Anything else is absurd. A type of society that rejects any notion that goes against its own views and accepts the ones that goes along its own. That is the society that I’m currently in. Not everyone, of course. Only the majority of people. And I’m sure that some of you can relate to this. Be it political, religious, sports, anything.

I don’t really mind if a person doesn’t have the openness towards opinions. I can always find someone else to discuss with in a manner and open-minded way. But I do mind when the social norm itself took a heavy toll to people that are different. People that I care about. People that have a different way of thinking. Not necessarily smarter. But different. People that want to try to understand the world more deeply. Those who dare to be different will be labelled. Those who have a different set of perspectives will be criticized. This is the curse of the unfit. This is what bothers me. This is why I’m writing this.

What is normal?

“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” – Morticia Addams

Each of us is different. The way we were raised. Our environment. Our exposure. The journey that we’ve been through. The good and the bad. All of these things and more contribute and forge us into who we are. Shaping our character, painting our perspectives. All of us came down from different roads so how is it fair that the society expects us to be the same?

As we matured, we have our own perspectives. Our own principles. Whenever they clashed with the norm, a war sparks within us. Should we go against the current? Or should we go with the flow? Most of the time, we succumb to the voice of the majority. We can’t stand of being looked differently. We are afraid of being misunderstood. And most of all, we fear that we might be left alone.

So, instead of holding on to our principles, we started creating new ones. A new persona. A persona that is more acceptable, easier to be understood by the society. A persona full of façade. We fell into the disillusion that there is something wrong within us that is needed to be fixed in order to fit in. That is the cruelest implication of social norms. You started doubting yourself. Instead of listening to your heart, you changes who you are into someone that is more acceptable in the eyes of the majority.

Let’s divert our focus a bit. Let’s talk about ourselves instead of ranting about other people. Let’s talk about something that even I have a bit of problems with, lately. Let’s talk about self-acceptance. No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance. Those are the words of Dr. Robert Holden, the Director of The Happiness Project and Success Intelligence. No matter how much you try to improve yourself, no matter how far you’ve succeeded, if you don’t accept who you are, you will never be satisfied with yourself.

Let me tell you my story. I love challenges. I love numbers. Thus, I opted to become an actuary. But during my university preparation program, I slipped. I got careless and focused more on other things. I didn’t get perfect grades for the exams. When handing out the result slip, a lecturer said to me that I am not worthy of becoming an actuary. BAAMMM!!! Straight to my face. I thought to myself “D@mn… What should I do now?” Instead of accepting an offer to go to a certain public university to do Chemistry, I decided to do Actuarial Science in a private institution. (I know… I’m hard headed… I rejected a scholarship offer after high school just because I didn’t get the course that I wanted… -,-“)

At first, I was mad at him for telling me that. But I soon realized that I was actually mad at myself because I gave a reason for other people to look down on me. I had a hard time accepting myself. I was full of doubts. So, I just thought that I need to prove myself. I felt that I need to show others that I can achieve my dimming dream.

The easiest way to do that would be to pass a professional actuarial paper by an internationally recognized board. I shut myself down. I didn’t get out of my house. I studied for 7 weeks, 8 to 10 hours per day, every single day. I did more than a thousand questions, literally. I took Exam 1/Probability last March and I passed. I’m currently a first year student. None of my friends from other universities has been able to pass that exam, even now. This is not to brag. What I want to say is that, even after passing the exam, I was only happy for a moment. A few days. And after that, I still have my doubts. I realized that it’s not enough to prove yourself if you are unhappy about who you are, who you were. It will never be enough. I changed my perspective. Everything that I did after that is not to prove to others about myself. Everything that I did after that is so that I can become a better person in the future, no matter who I was in the past.

For me, that is the self-acceptance that I’ve experienced. I really can’t stress it enough. If you want to improve yourself, make sure your intention is true. Don’t try to achieve something in hope that you can forget about your dark side. You won’t. It will always haunt you. Accept the fact that you have a dark side, a past that you want no one to know about. And from that, try to improve yourself. Try to become a better person in the future. Because you can’t erase the past. You can only decide who you are going to be. Not who you were. Don’t let what other people said get into your head. They have their own lives. Don’t let them dictate yours. You just have to find the people that accept you as who you are. There may not be many but hey, quality over quantity, right? Albert Camus, a key philosopher of the 20th century once said that “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

Sorry for the long post. Let me sign off with a (long) quote by Steve Jobs. (Actually it’s still not clear who the original owner of this quote is. Anybody knows?)

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.

They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.

You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.

They invent. They imagine. They heal.
They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

While some see them as the crazy ones,
we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world, are the ones who do.

– Steve Jobs